


can we act like we never broke eachothers' hearts?

by cephalomancy



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 00:41:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9296639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cephalomancy/pseuds/cephalomancy
Summary: It made Kyle angry, knowing that somebody else could potentially be kissing the same boy he dreamed of kissing every night.





	

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is.......its sad and its never gonna get finished CHYEAH

When most teenagers think about getting the house to themselves, their little minds immediately shoot to 'party' or other stereotypical teenager things. When Kyle thought about getting the house to himself, he thought of blankets and books and Netflix, what have you. The boy has always most definitely held solitude and comfort above alcohol and loud music... even if it that _did_ sound stereotypical on it's own.  
  
His family wasn't in town, giving him the perfect opportunity to do whatever he wanted. Maybe this time he would pull something different and throw a kickass party, but instead he crawled onto his couch with a blanket. Darkness enveloped the living room, the only light source being from the flickering TV. It flashed off of his pale skin as he shifted through movies on Netflix, leaning against the arm of the chair in a lazy fashion.  
  
It was nice not to have his nose buried in a textbook for once, memorizing the hypotenuse of an isosceles triangle or learning to recite 'May I use the bathroom?' in French. School, studying, books, god, he was getting sick of even hearing the words. His small frame pressed closer to the arm of the chair, sinking deeper into the couch and feeling the warmth from the blanket settle over him. Tonight, he didn't even want to think about school.  
  
He settled with a horror movie about ghosts, not really caring or awake enough to know any beforehand knowledge of it. Focusing on the screen made his eyes feel heavy and so did his position. His green eyes were half-lidded as he watched the screen, looking for a distraction more than something to entertain him. In all honesty, he was just making fun of the movie in his head. At one point, he tried to look for his phone so he could play with it but remembered he left it in his room.  
  
Fuck that. He's going to stay right here.  
  
Eventually, the television was just a faint hum to him. His head was resting against the arm of the chair, his eyes fallen shut at this point. Right now, he wasn't thinking about school, or graduation, or work. He was thinking about collecting the will-power to actually get up and go to his bed since he was so tired. Those thoughts were drowned out as he eventually fell into an easy sleep on couch despite telling himself he wouldn't. He just didn't care.

* * *

 

 

He stirred at the distant sounds of bangs. At first, he thought it was his parents coming home before he cracked his eyes open and realized that it wasn't coming from the front door. The entire room was practically engulfed with darkness, the only source of light coming from the idle Netflix screen. The bangs sounded again, causing Kyle to shoot up from his laying down position and look around. The noises were definitely coming from upstairs, but Kyle would've heard if somebody came through the front door.  
Kyle rummaged under the blankets for his phone before checking his pockets and then the coffee table. The awful realization that he left his phone upstairs sank over him, fear seizing him.  
  
He swung his feet over edge of the couch, letting his socks meet with his carpet. He eased himself up onto his feet, eyes still set on the stairs. He listened, mind racing with possibilities - it could be the wind, or a tree scraping against the window ... maybe a bird ran into the window, even. It wasn't long before faint footsteps could be heard scuffling from upstairs which immediately prompted the redhead to pad into the kitchen as quickly and as silently as he could manage.  
  
"Shit, shit, shit..." he was cursing under his breath, tone barely the lick of a whisper. He was stopped in the middle of his kitchen, frantically looking around for something to defend himself with. He stumbled a little as he made his way over to the drawer, trying to open it slowly to avoid making noises. He grabbed a knife, the light reflecting off of the stainless steel and showing a distorted reflection of himself. He wasn't really thinking properly right now, unsure of what to do. You were supposed to have a weapon in this kind of situation, right?  
  
Kyle glanced up towards the ceiling, where he could directly hear the sounds. Above the kitchen was his bedroom. What the fuck was this asshole doing in his room?  
He exited the kitchen and made his way to the bottom of the stairs. As quietly as possible, he tip-toed up the stairs (which still creaked lowly under his feet), biting down on his tongue. He was gripping the handle of the knife so tight that his knuckles were turning white. He drew in an inhale as he found himself at the top of the stairs, looking down a dimly lit hallway. His bedroom door was closed.  
  
He ambled towards the shut door, reaching out for the handle. Before he could open the door, the person on the other side of the door opened it first. The door swung open and Kyle yelled, holding up the knife before another startled (and lowkey girly) yell met with his ears.  
  
"Kyle! _Kyle_ , what the fuck, man!"  
  
Stumbling out of the dark bedroom was his ~~crush~~ best friend, Stan Marsh.  
  
Kyle's grip loosened on the knife, drawing in a quick gasp. "Stan--"  
  
"A _knife_ , Kyle?! I mean, come on, this isn't Psycho--"  
  
"Stan!" Kyle was quick to interrupt him, "Why are you freaking out? Why did you sneak into my house?! Front doors are a thing that I _thought_ you knew about."  
  
Stan seemed like he wanted to snap again but instead drew in a long inhale, moving to lean against the wall. Tiny pieces of snow dotted the poofball on his hat and some on his black bangs. They were mostly melted, but Kyle could tell that Stan was outside for a long time.  
  
Whatever the reason was that Stan broke into his house, Kyle didn't really want to know. He figured he would help him out while he was here, though.  
  
"You're ridiculous," Kyle said with a teasing lull to his voice. He smiled, walking into his room and flicking on a light. He made his way to his closet and opened it, taking a hoodie (that was clearly too large on Kyle) and thrusting it towards Stan. "Here, dude."  
  
The males blue eyes draw up and to the hoodie, seeming surprised. "This is mine," he began, taking it and looking it over. "Where did you get it?"  
  
"I took it from your house." Kyle admitted, not a hint of shame or embarrassment in his voice.  
  
A snort came from the male before him, walking into Kyle's room with Kyle hovering behind him. "Wow." is all that came from the black haired boy, working to pull off his wet coat. Kyle watched as the he pulled the hoodie over his head but Kyle could still make out how toned he was, even if he was still wearing a short sleeved shirt underneath of his coat. The redhead looked away, eyes focusing on the snow falling outside of his window instead.  
  
"So, are you okay?" Kyle broke the silence. This seemed to startle Stan, wincing slightly and swinging around to look at Kyle. It wasn't so much of the question that startled him, more of the abruptness. "Oh..." Stan said, blue eyes flickering downwards as if he was processing everything. He began to walk towards the bed, sitting down on the edge of it. "Yeah, me and Wendy just broke up."  
  
  
This didn't startle Kyle at all.  
  
"Again?" he said, striding over and taking a seat beside him. The smell of his cologne was strong and for a moment, Kyle wondered who he was trying to smell good for. He could feel a twinge of envy perk up low in his stomach but chose to bite his tongue.  
"Again," Stan mirrored, voice not faltering in the slightest. Kyle turned his head to look up at him, surprised yet relieved that Stan didn't seem too upset about this, unlike all of the other breakups him and Wendy went through. "You seem alright with this." Kyle said. Stan rolled his shoulders in a shrug, the slightest hint of a lazy smiling curving his lips. "I'm seeing someone, s'all."  
  
Kyle raised his eyebrows. That lowkey jealous feeling that was lingering in his stomach was a lurching, envious feeling at this point that felt like it was eating away at his stomach lining. "Who?" Kyle said, trying to sound like a friend that was concerned but sounding more like a jealous girlfriend. He felt his own cheeks burn at the realization of his, fingers fidgeting with the sheets underneath of him.  
  
A blush dusted Stan's cheeks, but not for the same reason it was dusting Kyle's cheeks. He was blushing because there was somebody else. Stan didn't respond at first, staring down at his lap with his pretty blue eyes and perfect face structure. It made Kyle angry, knowing that somebody else could potentially be kissing the same boy he dreamed of kissing every night.  
  
"Who, Stan? You know, it's not a good idea for you to hop into a relationship all of the sudden. Like, right after one."  
  
Stan's eyes raised from his lap, looking at Kyle now. Kyle couldn't quite pinpoint what he was feeling from examining his expression, but whatever he felt, it involved looking at Kyle for a very long time. "I..." he began before breaking out into a snicker, "You don't know? Really?"  
  
"No, I don't. Enlighten me." he said, hostility creeping into the corners of his voice.  
  
"I was going to surprise you but you kind of came at me with a knife which I wasn't expecting." Stan broke eye contact, looking down at his scuffed up shoes. "I don't know. It was going to be romantic, but that's not my department, clearly." he laughed nervously.  
  
Kyle narrowed his eyes, raking through his mind and trying to make sense of what Stan was saying. Stan probably caught onto Kyle's confused expression when he glanced back up, seeming to stutter a little.  
  
"...Dude, it's you." he said, "I have a crush on you."  
  
"...Oh."  
  
Kyle's response seemed to surprise Stan. Stan didn't say anything for a few seconds. "I- what do you mean _oh_?"  
  
He could feel heat rushing to his cheeks for a much, much different reason than before. Anger was being replaced by confusion, and then happiness, and then confusion again. All of this felt like thirty minutes but the entire time he took to process his thoughts took roughly a second or two.  
  
"I mean... _oh_ , I guess. _Oh_ , I didn't know it was me. _Oh_ , I don't know why you had to break into my house to let me know that you like me."  
  
"I saw it in a romantic comedy once but it might've been a crime show."  
  
"Flowers would've sufficed, as well." Kyle said matter-of-factly, a smile curving his lips. He might've seemed like he was calming down but anxiety was coursing through him with a mixture of excitement. Silence settled around the two, Kyle looking down at the floor and Stan keeping his blue eyes on the redhead. Kyle could obviously feel eyes on him, letting his green eyes flicker back up to meet with Stan's.  
  
He narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Why are you staring at me?" he asked.  
  
"You're cute when you blush."  
  
Wow. Oh wow. That's something he would've never expected to hear from Stan, ever. In fact, that's something he would've never expected to hear him say to his own girlfriend. Kyle glanced away, raising a hand to cup over his own cheek in a failed attempt to hide himself. Stan reached a hand out, fingers lacing around his wrist and pulling his hand away from his face.  
  
"Let me look at you, asshole."  
  
"No. Not if you're going to keep being gay like that." he said, turning his head to look at him anyway, grinning and scooting closer. Their thighs brushed together, Kyle tilting his head up slightly to look up at the male. The ashen boy drew in an inhale through parted lips, a hand moving forward so he could ghost his fingertips against the back of Stan's hand. A smile was twitching over Stan's lips.  
  
Even though it was barely noticeable, Kyle was close enough to catch hint of the blush still staining Stan's cheeks. It was adorable. Kyle could smell the cologne coming off of his frame, fingers wiggling in between the spaces of Stan's so he could intertwine their fingers. Stan's ocean blue eyes were half-lidded, clearly at ease right now. Clearly relaxed.  
  
Kyle would've said something witty, but Stan was leaning in. He inhaled, letting him steady his lips over his so Stan could kiss him gently. A dizzying feeling came over the ginger, taking a few moments before actually working up the courage to kiss him back. Kyle squirmed just slightly so he could get in a more comfortable position, head cocking slightly so he could have better access to the others lips.  
  
Stan's lips were soft. His movements were slow and gentle as if he was scared that he was going to break Kyle into a million little pieces if he was to make to wrong move. Kyle let out a sigh against his lips, thinking about every little thing that was happening right now - the almost methodical way Stan kissed him, feeling him huff against his lips from time to time, feeling the warmth coming off of the taller males body. He was so good at this and it was nearly breathtaking, leaving a nagging thought in the back of Kyle's head. How the fuck was he so good at this? How did he get so good at this?  
  
He could feel something in his stomach pang. He pulled away from the kiss, mouth left ajar slightly as he turned his head. Stan seemed to get a hint that something was wrong, silent for a few seconds before breaking the silence. "Are you okay? I didn't do anything wrong, did I?" he said with an urgent finality. He knew what was wrong. Thoughts came flooding back from earlier, everything that Kyle had said to Stan about hopping into a relationship right after one. He said it wasn't a good idea - Kyle had always thought that rebounds were a bad idea and he was letting himself be one just for the sake of making out with his best friend, his crush of nearly 10 years.  
  
Kyle struggled to find the right words to say. He raked his mind for an excuse, or a coherent way to describe how he's feeling. He wanted to bring up what he said earlier. The words got lost on the way to his mouth and what he said instead was, "I don't want to be a rebound, Stan." he said slowly, placing his hands in his lap and avoiding any sort of eye contact with the boy beside him.  
  
There was a stiff silence between the two before Stan had entirely let the words sink in. "What...dude! No, no, no," he said, scooting closer to Kyle and offering a nervous smile. "No, that's not what this is. Look, things are just complicated with Wendy and-"  
  
"That's exactly it, though." Kyle suddenly said, standing up and padding across his room. "That's exactly what I'm talking about. Things are complicated with your relationship, so you're seeking out someone to make the complications less hard on yourself." he was quick to cross his arms, green eyes looking down at the carpet in his room. He could hear his bed creak, signalling that Stan had stood up as well. He could feel him growing closer.  
  
"Kyle...I didn't mean it like that."  
  
Anger pulsed inside of the smaller boy. His body was tense, arms tightly crossed against his chest and cheeks burning from entirely embarrassment now... shame, even. Shame that he had let himself become a hypocrite, just to get Stan. He couldn't get himself to turn around, even if he felt Stan's eyes on his back. He didn't want to look at Stan right now, he had already worked himself up so much and he wasn't even sure if he could go much longer without completely snapping. He couldn't even work up words to say right now.  
  
"Please talk to me, dude. I'm sorry, I didn't want this to happen," he said, placing his hand on Kyle's shoulder. As soon as Kyle felt the contact, he couldn't help himself anymore. He swiveled around, rogue curls flouncing with the sudden movement. "Then why the fuck did you do it?!" he snapped, thankful that they were the only two in the house. "If you didn't want this to happen, then _why_ did you kiss me, knowing that you were working things out with Wendy?"  
  
Stan's eyes darted for a second, clearly taken aback by the sudden outburst. "I'm...I never said I was working things out, I said that they were complicated. Come on, dude, I'm sorry. Okay?"  
  
"You can't even look me in the eye when you say that. You know that you're doing this for yourself, not us." his voice trembled slightly. "I'm sorry," is all that Stan could say. He said it without missing a beat and without having the courage to look at Kyle as he said it. This sunk in deep for the shorter male before him, green eyes looking down at his feet as he processed everything.  
  
"Just... please go. Anywhere, somewhere. Just not here," Kyle said, sounding exhausted, "Not tonight."  
  
Now it was Kyle that couldn't look at Stan as he heard a sigh come from him, feeling the breeze as he brushed past him and out of his bedroom door. Kyle waited until he heard the front door shut before letting all of the feelings he was experiencing wash over him completely. It went from feeling nothing to feeling everything, all at once. Once the realization that Stan was gone and the fact that what just happened was real, Kyle wasn't able to control his body.  
  
He careened but regained himself, feeling his tightly balled up fist swing forward with a sudden, limber speed. Knuckles slam into the wall, breaking a pretty nasty hole in the purple wall -- pain immediately resonated through his bones and shot up his arm. He drew in a breath, stumbling backwards and grabbing his hand. Adrenaline pumped through him strongly, making it impossible for him to feel anything but anger right now.  
  
He stepped back, falling back onto his bed and staring up at the ceiling. The pain began to turn into a lurching ache, crawling from his knuckles to his shoulder. As he came down, a stinging feeling in his chest began to prickle up as well. He had a good few minutes to lay there and think about every single thing that just happened. From the kiss, to the argument, to having to tell his best friend to leave. As he came down, he felt his eyes begin to burn.  
  
"God," he muttered, rolling onto his side and gripping his hand tightly. "Goddamnit." his voice broke, feeling tears fall from the corners of his eyes and letting them roll down his ashen skin. Tears rolled across the bridge of his nose due to the position he was in, quickly wiping at them with the sleeve of his jacket and trying to shake the thought of Stan from his mind. The realization that he actually kissed him tonight was sinking in deep and thoughts kept popping up in his head.  
  
What if he overreacted? What if Stan actually meant everything he said? What if he fucked up their friendship? He raked his mind, sniffling and pushing himself to sit up. He wiggled out of his pajama pants, leaving himself in his black boxers and pulling his thin legs up onto the bed. He was still wiping at tears, forcing himself to crawl under the covers. He wanted to bury his thoughts just like he was burying himself in his covers, hiding away from it all. He wanted to travel back in time. He wanted to do a lot of things right now but he most definitely did not want to think about Stan.  
  
He hated this. He hated himself for snapping at Stan. He hated Stan for a multitude of reasons right now, but at the same time he was iffy about that. He switched from hatred, to love, to regret, to emptiness only to repeat the same cycle. Eventually, Kyle decided to force himself to fall asleep. Even if his mind wouldn't rest, he was still going to try and shake the feeling... he was still going to try and sleep it all off.  
  
The last thought on his mind that night was that stupid kiss before falling into an uneasy sleep.


End file.
